


17

by unknown_knowns



Series: Catharsis [4]
Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Chloe POV, F/F, Major BtS E3 spoilers, Some S1E1 spoilers, but it's still a heavy read, it's heavy, mostly canon, probably don't read this one, sorry - Freeform, supernatural stuff is still there, takes you from BtS to S1
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 07:44:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13095573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknown_knowns/pseuds/unknown_knowns
Summary: Chloe calls someone 17 times.She doesn't get called back.Chloe kind of doesn't know how to handle that.And she falls apart.But some light, at the end, keeps her alive.





	17

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry.
> 
> Content Notice: All of the triggers. idk. it's heavy. the dark room is there. it's exactly as bad as you're imagining.

There are some pleasures in the world that cannot be described; they have to be felt.

Chloe laid down next to Rachel in a massive clearing in the forest by their favorite haunting grounds – the junkyard.

It was night, and the stars were breath taking to look at in in all of their majesty, especially on a clear night like this, especially when so far away from civilization and the idle pollution of sights and sounds that comes with it.

Chloe and Rachel were both looking at them, of course, holding each other’s hands and breathing easily.

Even on a night such as this in a setting such as so Chloe had too much energy and was slightly jittery, rolling her head on the grass behind her every few seconds and kicking her booted foot up and down every few seconds to tap out an idle beat.

Rachel was still, and content with the world, since quiet moments like this, even with a loud girlfriend, made everything all the worth while.

“What do you see? In this wonderful night sky?”

This was a stupid game to play with Chloe, since Chloe ---

“Um. There’s Leo, over there, right?”

Rachel blinked, and got a little wry smile as she looked over to Chloe.

“Leo _is_ right there. How did you know?”

Chloe had her own little simple smile in return.

“I’ve been … learning a little. Here and there. Y’know.”

Rachel was positively beaming and rolled over to stifle her girlfriend’s foot movement but also to just lay on top of her.

Chloe always liked how Rachel’s long hair draped down in a position like this and shielded them from others, with the sight of their face privy just to them.

“You’ve been learning for me.”

It wasn’t a question, but Chloe couldn’t help but to keep smiling as Rachel got happier.

In fact, she grinned.

“What? Don’t be ridiculous.”

She brought her hands up to Rachel’s sides to hold her affectionately and tenderly.

Her grin just got wider and wider.

“I got tons of gorgeous girls hella into astrology ‘n shit. You’re like … maybe top hundred.”

Rachel laughed earnestly.

“Top one hundred, yeah?”

Chloe nodded.

“Maybe top fifty on a good day.”

Rachel brought her face down and closed what distance remained between them until they were kissing.

And it was a tender, slow, thoughtful thing.

The softest and slowest of make out sessions, where all they had to look at was each other, all they had to feel was each other, all they had to taste was each other, all they had to hear was each other.

All they had to be was each other.

Chloe wrapped her hands up a bit higher so she could squeeze her smaller girlfriend into her front possessively in a too-tight hug.

Somewhat obnoxiously Rachel couldn’t reciprocate, since there was only unyielding compacted grass underneath Chloe.

Whatever.

That left her hands free to ensure her hair complied enough and stroke at Chloe’s cheeks.

It felt like too long, but eventually Rachel placed her hands on the ground on either side of Chloe’s head and pushed herself up, to get herself out of Chloe’s grasp and roll over to lay next to her again.

They were both just smiling as Rachel readjusted her position like this, with no uncertain amount of blush.

But it wasn’t a sexual kind of thing, just unencumbered sort of love.

“How’s top ten, sound?”

A sort of love that could be casual even when the moment required soberness.

Chloe hummed thoughtfully.

“Mmmmmm … Maybe … I could be convinced some more of your … um, ranking.”

A sort of love that needed no explicit or overtly romantic pleas.

Rachel took Chloe’s hand again and squeezed it.

She just simply chuckled and looked back up to the night’s sky.

“I only _convince_ girls who think I’m their number one, thank you very much.”

Chloe leaned over to place a gentle peck of a kiss on Rachel’s cheek, which Rachel absorbed and internalized warmly.

Chloe squeezed Rachel’s hand.

“You’re my number one.”

Rachel looked over to her again.

“Yeah?”

Chloe nodded, still smiling.

“Yeah.”

And her voice had moved from something playful to softer and more serious.

It made Rachel turn onto her side – with Chloe mildly reciprocating – so she could use her free hand to stroke at Chloe’s cheek.

“Mmmmn … that’s nice.”

Chloe couldn’t help a small scoff and a playfully wounded look.

“Aren’t you going to say I’m you’re number one, too?”

Rachel just smiled.

“I mean, I could. If you wanted that.”

Another brief but meaningfully affectionate kiss.

“Yeah … I do.”

Breathless Chloe was … something else that Rachel never really got all that good at processing.

She just buried her face into Chloe’s chest and exhaled pleasantly against her neck.

“You’re my number one too, Chloe.”

Chloe’s hand came to her back and hugged her in.

They both closed their eyes.

And just melted.

 

For a little while, anyway.

Then Rachel’s phone vibrated and she had to use her free hand to get her phone out – backing away from Chloe just slightly to read the screen.

“Whossit?”

_hey are we still up for tmrw_

Rachel smiled a little bit, mindlessly tapping a _yes_ in response before looking back up to Chloe.

“Nathan.”

Chloe _was_ Rachel’s number one, and that was the truth.

But it wasn’t the full truth, and nothing but the truth.

But it was the only truth Chloe knew, and Rachel was beyond desperate to keep her safe from it.

Chloe groaned a little.

“Again? That’s like the tenth time this week.”

Rachel rolled her eyes, put her phone away, and gently patted at Chloe’s cheek.

“I could use all of the modeling experience I could get.”

This was actually a lie, and it hurt so badly to lie to Chloe, but at this point the lies about Nathan and Jefferson had built up an impossibly inescapable web.

The only thing to do was to keep lying until they made it out of this fucking town and the lies didn’t matter anymore.

When she could just close this chapter of her life and start a new one with only Chloe in her mind and heart.

Chloe scoffed.

“I could take pictures of you. With my dad’s old camera.”

Rachel smiled.

This derailment was perfect.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Just have some pictures of me just for your eyes only? I bet we could make it … interesting.”

Chloe smiled a little.

“I mean … if you’re offering.”

Rachel just smiled wider.

“I can offer quite a lot, Price.”

Her hand started to lovingly stroke along her chin and cheek,

“You’re never going to forget it.”

Chloe smiled some more.

“I bet. I never forget anything about you. Ever.”

Fuck.

She couldn’t let that moment go.

Rachel moved her hand down, pulled out her phone, stuck it out, aimed it at the two of them, forcefully kissed Chloe, and took a picture with her phone all in quick succession.

_Click._

The flash was sort of whatever from how late it was, but when Rachel pulled away, she was plenty happy with the shot none-the-less.

She showed it to Chloe with a smile.

Chloe happily took her phone to look at in detail, though they had break apart ever-so-slightly for this.

“And there will be plenty to remember … just as soon as we get out of town. The entire world to see, Chloe …”

Chloe kept looking at the picture.

“Yeah …”

And her voice was this dreamy, breathless, distant thing.

“Speaking of …”

She cleared her throat, handed the phone back to Rachel, and smiled.

“The repairs on the truck are almost done. We can leave the second it’s out of the shop.”

Rachel sighed contently and inched herself forward to slot herself back into Chloe’s chest.

“Mmmmnnnn. Perfect. We’re so close. Forever together, Chloe.”

Chloe smiled.

“Forever together, Rachel.”

A little mantra.

They were so close.

So close to a perfect life.

So close to everything being simple.

So close to LA, to their dreams, to their future.

So close.

 

Though it was inconvenient, they decided to cuddle, kiss, and sleep for the rest of the night in relative silence.

Just watching the stars and each other.

Sometimes, they had simply too many words to say to each other.

But sometimes, they had nothing to say at all.

And Chloe would never forget this feeling of completion, of being whole, of finding her home.

Her home was wherever Rachel was, by her side.

 

The only home she had.

 

The next day, Rachel had some shit to do with Nathan.

Nathan was … okay.

Kind of an asshole, but Rachel liked him, so he couldn’t be that bad.

Chloe just didn’t know what she saw in him.

But Chloe didn’t want to seem to be too clingy or desperate for attention – she already got quite a lot of Rachel’s time – so she didn’t pry too much about her other friends or question it too much when Rachel wanted some time with them.

Plus, they couldn’t reasonably spend every waking second together anyway; Chloe had her own shit with her family to deal with.

This all meant when Rachel left, it was a normal thing in Chloe’s mind, with a normal kiss goodbye, and a normal amount of playful banter.

She didn’t think anything of Rachel leaving, and she didn’t think anything of Rachel taking longer than usual to come back.

Chloe was just relaxing on her bed.

Stepass wasn’t going to be home until much later, not until after Rachel would be back and they’d be off doing other things.

This was actually the easiest way to cope with David – to simply not be around him.

And things were … okay, between them.

If Chloe wasn’t even in the house, she couldn’t be breaking his rules about what to do.

Chloe even put a marginal effort into making her room not smell _so_ strongly of weed by preferring to mostly do it in the junkyard or in her truck.

And David put a marginal effort into not being a royal shithead when he could.

It almost felt sustainable, but the only thing keeping her in Arcadia Bay was the truck, and that was going to be fixed up well-enough soon enough.

Her mother, though …

Chloe didn’t really want to leave her.

And she was going to.

Really soon.

Chloe had a feeling she might miss her, but … she could still call her, right?

Maybe even visit once in a while.

Lots of children move out for college and stuff, she has to be getting ready for that outcome.

Even if Chloe wasn’t the college type.

Ugh.

No, today was supposed to be a good day.

Chloe put the thoughts of her family out of her mind and just dozed off for a bit.

She didn’t want to overthink anything before she left.

That’d just make this harder than it had to be.

 

\---

 

Rachel’s session with Nathan was not

usual.

 

Rachel had been

drained.

 

of everything

 

except for one thing

 

hate.

 

It was every cell in her body

every second of thought

every bone in her being

every fiber of her existence

 

she wanted Nathan

and Mark

dead

 

she just

had to try

a little bit

harder

 

if only her body

would respond

to her pleas

 

Click.

 

Nathan frowned.

He’d taken so many pictures of Rachel before, but … not like this.

This was wrong.

Right?

It had to be.

 

Click.

 

He tried very desperately to not understand the death glare Rachel was giving him – even sedated so strongly, she still had this intense energy about her.

It was okay, though.

Rachel wasn’t going to remember this.

This was just …

To make Jefferson happy.

To make his dad happy.

What a fucking strange thought that was.

People being happy at him.

 

Nathan stood up and brought his camera over to Mark, who was just sipping coffee contently while tapping away at his computer.

In his dark room.

Mark smiled and looked over to Nathan when he came near.

He turned on his seat and locked his hands together to rest them pleasantly on his desk.

“I hope you’re getting the hang of this now.”

 It was so … strange, how normal this was to Mark.

He was acting like this was any other photoshoot.

Nathan plainly handed the camera to him and shoved his hands into his jacket.

“Yeah. I hope so too.”

The sooner Mark was happy with his shots, the sooner Rachel would be ‘returned’, whateverthefuck that meant.

While Mark clicked through the previews on the camera’s digital display, Nathan fidgeted a little and looked back to Rachel.

The death in her eyes and the severity of her features was just …

Nathan looked back to Mr. Jefferson with a frown.

“You … sure she won’t remember anything?”

Mr. Jefferson chuckled pleasantly.

“Of course not.”

He paused in looking through the photos to look off to his binders and nod towards them.

“This is not my first … rodeo, to use a turn of phrase. Rachel will be perfectly unharmed by this beautiful process.”

‘Beautiful process’.

Nathan kept his frown.

“It looks like she’s in a lot of pain …”

Mr. Jefferson blinked, put the camera down, and looked very seriously at Nathan.

“I’ve … explained this to you already, haven’t I? That’s the point. That’s how you make _art_. She _needs_ to be in pain. She needs to _feel_ the innocence of her very soul being stripped away from her. _That’s_ how you get that look she’s giving you … and that’s how you get amazing photos that the entire world wants to see.”

Nathan kind of didn’t really buy it.

It just felt wrong.

But …

What could he do, now?

His dad would kill him if he ratted Mr. Jefferson out.

Maybe literally actually kill him, too.

“I guess.”

He didn’t sound too convinced, but Mark took it well enough anyway.

“Marvelous. Now ---”

He brought the camera back up and turned it around so the display was facing Nathan.

“I am seeing a pattern in these shots. You’re getting random things in the frame and you’re not using our light sources very well – she’s completely lit. There’s no drama in the piece – all of it is being sold by her magnificent, transfixing gaze. It’s your job to capture it as best as possible, not let it rest on its laurels while you slack.”

It never stopped being weird to Nathan just how normal this all was to him.

This felt like any other lecture about his shots and technique but … it just wasn’t, no matter how much Mr. Jefferson said it was.

But, more saliently, Nathan had failed.

Again.

“Oh … _Fuck._ I really … I was really trying.”

He tightened his fists a little and started to raise them with no particular thought –

“Shhh.”

Mr. Jefferson put the camera down, stood up from his desk, and walked around to stand in front of Nathan.

He gripped Nathan’s chin and gently forced him to look up, and he was smiling.

“Calm down. This is fixable. Just listen to what I say and you will get some breathtaking shots. Your father will love them.”

Nathan closed his eyes and released a shaky, uneasy exhale.

This … affection felt so nice.

“Uhnn … o-okay.”

He breathed in deeply, and tried to calm himself down.

He unclenched his fists and opened his eyes again.

“Just … just tell me what to do.”

Mr. Jefferson smiled wider, patted at the top of Nathan’s head, and handed the camera back to him.

“Get her up against one of the walls so your fame is uncomplicated. Get one of our light sources and point it at one side of her face, then bring down the ambient light in the room. Then … look for a good angle. I know you can find one, if you try. Take the shot.”

Nathan nodded shakily and turned around to go back to Rachel and follow the advice.

“And remember. She won’t be harmed. This is just … another one of her performances.”

 

The words were equal parts haunting and reassuring.

She won’t be harmed.

This is just another one of her performances.

She won’t be harmed.

This is just another one of her performances.

She won’t be ---

Fuck.

Rachel kicked at him when he got close, her eyes still full of tremendous, biting, toxic venom.

Mr. Jefferson made an unapproving sound from across the room.

“Her tolerance is … impressive.”

Nathan backed off a bit and looked to him, just so he wasn’t looking at Rachel anymore.

“She uh … does a lot of d-drugs … so …”

Mr. Jefferson frowned.

“Perhaps another dose is in order.”

Nathan blinked.

“Are … you sure? We’ve already ---”

Mr. Jefferson slammed his hand down onto his desk and frowned more deeply.

Nathan went deathly silent.

After a second or two of recomposing himself, Mr. Jefferson cleared his throat and nodded.

“Yes. You’re wasting time now, and we’re already past schedule. Another dose. Now. No more questions.”

Fuck.

Nathan was fucking it up again.

Fuck.

He hurriedly put the camera down, and tried to do at least _one_ thing right.

For once in his fucking life.

 

\---

 

Chloe woke up to David returning home with a gasp.

That …

Wasn’t right.

The instinct came before the thought, and she sat up on her bed with a groan when the thought collided with her.

Rachel should have returned long before he did.

Well … whatever.

Maybe she was just running late?

… by several hours?

No …

Chloe frowned and pulled out her phone.

No messages or anything from Rachel.

Chloe _tried_ to not worry like the overreacting idiot she was, but it was hard.

Would she look needy if she called her?

Just because she was running late?

Ugh, they had plans, Rachel should have let her know if they were going to cancel or reschedule.

Fuck it.

She called Rachel.

 

\---

 

Rachel’s phone ringed on Mr. Jefferson’s desk.

In the dark room.

He frowned when looking at it.

 _Chloe_.

Chloe was such a shame.

She had a wonderful way with words and was creative, capable, intelligent.

When she wanted to be.

She squandered it on petty graffiti and getting expelled, though.

Pity.

At least Rachel fucking her would probably keep her out of too much trouble.

And Chloe was a good muse for Rachel’s endeavors.

Rachel was going to be such a wonderful young woman in a short while.

Pleasant thoughts.

 

As he looked at the phone a bit longer, he had another thought.

Rachel had a cutesy shot of the two of them kissing for Chloe’s contact information.

It looked like a selfie or something – very slightly out of focus, awful flat exposure, weird background - Rachel could do better, he knew, but it was probably some mawkish, sentimental thing.

Whatever.

He ignored it and went back to typing at his computer.

The rodent messiah could wait a bit longer.

He didn’t plan on Nathan taking this long – and it threatened his operation a little – but he needed to show Nathan’s progress to Mr. Prescott.

This was still acceptable, though.

Nathan _was_ slowly getting there.

These round of shots would be perfect.

He, and Mr. Prescott for that matter, would be so proud.

 

\---

 

Chloe called once.

Twice.

Three times.

 

She was starting to freak out.

Rachel _never_ ghosted her.

Never.

 

She wasn’t going straight to voice mail or anything either so – her phone wasn’t dead or something.

Did she lose it?

Rachel never lost her phone.

Her phone was her life.

She was always on it, talking to people.

Fuck.

 

Chloe had gotten up and was pacing before she could help herself as she debated calling more.

How would Rachel respond to seeing so many missed calls on her phone?

 _Fuck it_.

That part of her was viciously silenced by Chloe’s need for Rachel.

A little chiding would be nothing compared to how bad she was going to spiral if she didn’t

keep trying.

 

She called again.

And again. And again. And again.

And again.

And again.

And again, and again, and again, again again-again-again-again –

 

nothing.

 

Chloe threw her phone against her bed, tightened her fists, stormed around her room a bit too energetically, bouncing and just –

Feeling and just –

Fuck.

If this was a joke it wasn’t fucking funny.

What if Rachel needed her right now?

What if, what if, what if, what if.

She stopped prowling and stood still, raising a hand up to rub at her hair.

Fuck.

She was breathing heavily, unevenly, and she knew she was probably overacting, like she always did, but …

Fuck.

Rachel.

There was only one good thing in her life, now, and that was her.

The only thing that hadn’t gone wrong.

The only person she could truly be open and herself around.

The only times she was happy.

Rachel helped her get over her dad, and Max, and helped her cope with stepnazi and her mother being weird and ---

Fuck.

Everything.

Rachel was everything.

She punched at the air and turned around with such force she almost lost her balance before flying over to her bed and landing down on it face-first with a miserable, shuddering groan.

She pulled herself up into a sitting position, brought her knees up to her chest, wrapped her arms around, and just stared at her phone.

Waiting.

She would wait an eternity for Rachel.

She fucking knew it.

She would sit and stare at this fucking phone until Rachel called her and calmly explained to her what had happened and why Chloe was being a childish idiot again for getting so worked up.

Rachel would call her.

Rachel _would_ call her.

Rachel **_would_** call her.

She just had to.

Chloe didn’t want to think about what would happen

if she couldn’t.

Forever together.

Forever _together_.

 

\---

 

Rachel was

hate.

 

but there was something else

too.

 

her thoughts

came with difficulty

 

as the next violating injection

of horrid chemicals

came.

 

but everything was

slowly fading into the background.

 

nathan

and mark

had to

die,

 

but

 

that was

 

for later.

 

Rachel would

 

make sure

 

of it.

 

for now

 

though

 

Rachel didn’t think of

 

hate

 

she thought of

 

Chloe.

 

despite everything

 

when she closed her eyes

 

she was happy

 

 

 

dreamless

forever together, finally

 

 

 

Quiet.

“Rachel?”

Quiet.

“Rachel?”

Quiet.

Nathan felt her pulse.

“ _Rachel?_ Oh --- _fuck!”_

 

\---

 

Chloe was not ok.

That night was probably the roughest one of her life, and Rachel and her had had a lot of really rough nights.

This felt worse than the time they almost broke up, or worse than the time the steering rack broke on the truck and almost killed them both, or worse than the time Rachel got fucking stabbed.

She dreamed of Rachel, all night, and when she woke up to an empty bed and no messages on her phone, she was officially starting to freak out.

Maybe …

Maybe she was just crashed in her dorm.

Maybe … somehow … she lost her phone, needed to do a bunch of stuff for some reason, and just trusted Chloe wouldn’t have a heart attack.

Rachel would be sitting pretty in her dorm, smile up at Chloe like she always did, and wonder why she was so upset.

Fuck.

Chloe got out of bed, changed into a different set of clothes, but hesitated on the way out of her room.

Instead, she turned around on her heels, marched over to her closet, and grabbed a flannel Rachel had been keeping in her closet.

It still smelled of her.

Chloe closed her eyes, looked over to her shoulder, and really breathed it in for a second or two.

It was comforting.

Rachel would be on campus.

Everything would be ok.

Chloe was an overreacting idiot, like always.

She shoved her hands into her jean pockets and walked downstairs.

“You’re up early.”

Chloe was not in the mood to deal with either the nazi or her mom, so she silently walked to the front door and slammed it behind her.

Fuck.

At least her skateboard was still in her yard.

It’d be a little while until her truck was fixed.

 

The trip to Blackwell was not pleasant.

 

She kicked up her board and stormed through campus coldly.

She knew the path very well by now.

Up the stairs.

Rachel’s door was right ---

Ugh.

Victoria, Taylor, and Courtney were in the hallway.

The three of them looked to Chloe, but Chloe wasn’t looking back at any of them.

She so didn’t want ---

“Chloe. You look … tense. Is everything alright?”

Taylor spoke, and Chloe kept on walking, right past them.

People were nice to her, sometimes, and she never figured out why.

“I bet that whore Rachel fucked someone else and she’s here to take some revenge.”

Victoria.

_Victoria._

Chloe stopped dead in her tracks.

Victoria chuckled pleasantly.

At least there was _one_ person on campus who never bothered to fake being nice.

“Hit a nerve?”

Chloe tightened her first.

Victoria wasn’t worth the goddamn effort.

She was just some heartless bitch, an inferior version of Rachel bled dry of any positives and filled with spines and contempt.

Fuck her.

Chloe needed to find Rachel.

“Fuck you.”

She kept on walking, not sparing Victoria another second of thought even when she chuckled again.

Rachel’s dorm was locked, but Chloe had a key, and a bit-too-quickly made her way into the room.

And …

“FUCK.”

Rachel wasn’t here.

 

[ ("Best Cry of Your Life" - Wear Your Wounds)  
](https://open.spotify.com/track/6lNOPAkbgmsJ3mu72bqNRW)

 

Chloe threw her skateboard down to the floor a bit too forcefully and huffed and puffed and started pacing around the room and she –

She tore off Rachel’s bed sheet, as though she might be hiding there –

She forced the closet open, as though she might be hiding there –

She opened drawers and her desk and –

 

Rachel was gone.

 

After slightly ransacking the room, Chloe stood in the center and just failed to process everything for a few seconds.

Her eyes were seeing, but they weren’t.

Her ears were hearing, but they weren’t.

Her skin was feeling, but it wasn’t.

Her brain was thinking, but it wasn’t.

Suddenly, she kicked her skateboard across the room and stormed out of Rachel’s room, closing the door with a furious slam.

And she locked it right afterwards because that’s what good girlfriends do –

She stormed right up to the gaggle of gossiping bitches.

 

“Where’s Rachel?”

Chloe’s voice came out in a way she didn’t expect it to.

Low, tense, angry-sounding, a little uneven.

Taylor and Courtney visibly flinched when Chloe looked at them.

There must have been something on her face.

Victoria, though …

She just looked smug.

“She’s not with you? Must be fucking some _manwhore_ \---”

Chloe wasn’t having it.

She shoved Victoria a bit too forcefully away.

“Shut your fucking mouth for once in your miserable fucking life and tell me where Rachel is!”

This anger was … consuming.

Chloe hadn’t felt it this bad in a long, long time.

Her body was shaking, fizzy all over, and her fists were clenched so tightly she might make herself bleed from her nails digging into her skin.

Victoria blinked and awkwardly stumbled back – since Chloe was taller and in better shape – and didn’t know how to process Chloe being so visibly shaken and upset.

It was kind of frightening.

“I … don’t fucking know.”

Chloe gnashed her teeth and practically growled,

“Bullshit! Tell me where she is!”

Her voice wavered.

Fuck.

Taylor cautiously took a step forward while Victoria’s face pitched up in confusion –

“Chloe … calm down … we don’t know where she is. We haven’t seen her since ---”

Fuck.

Chloe brushed past them, and was breathing way too heavily as she stomped down the stairs.

 

Victoria dusted herself off and straightened her top again.

Taylor and Courtney watched Chloe storm off with frowns on their faces.

“What do you think that was all about?”

Courtney hummed thoughtfully.

“You think Rachel’s missing? She doesn’t really skip class anymore. She should be here right now.”

Victoria looked back down the hallway where Chloe had gone.

“Who cares.”

When she looked back to Taylor and Courtney, they still looked troubled.

“Um, of course, Victoria. Who cares.”

Who cared about Rachel Amber?

Certainly not Victoria Chase.

 

Chloe needed to find Rachel.

It wasn’t a want, it wasn’t a desire, it wasn’t something mercurial –

It was baked into her very existence.

The last person to see her was Nathan.

He had to fucking know.

She made her way into the Men’s section and simply didn’t fucking care that she wasn’t allowed to be here.

She’d punch out a security guard if she had to.

Nothing was going to hold her right now.

She banged on Nathan’s door, and didn’t stop until he opened it.

Then she shoved him into the room and walked in, kicking the door closed with her boot.

“What the _fuck_ \---”

Chloe wasn’t having it.

“Where the fuck is Rachel!?”

Nathan blinked.

“Calm your tits lady, jeez.”

He took a few steps back from Chloe, since she was clearly looking for a fight, and that just … Nathan couldn’t handle that right now.

“I don’t know where she is.”

Chloe practically growled and pointed a finger at him.

“Lie better. You picked her up from my house. You were the last one to see her.”

Nathan frowned and raised his hands in mock surrender.

“And we had our photoshoot and she said she had some homework to do so she went to her dorm instead of having me drop her back off. What do you want out of me?”

No.

That can’t be.

“She’s not there. She’s not answering her phone. She never fucking does that. You were the last one to see her you _have_ to know where she is ---”

Nathan grunted and lowered his hands.

“Listen, lady, I’m telling you all I know. I’m sure she’s ok, just … calm down.”

Chloe did the opposite of calm down.

She turned around and punched his wall, and it fucking hurt, but it felt good, invigorating.

It put more adrenaline in her body.

She turned around and breathed severely.

Nathan blinked.

“You better not be fucking lying to me. If you so much as hurt a single hair on her body I’m going to … I’m going to …”

Nathan crossed his arms and sighed.

Chloe _was_ intimidating, but there was this pathetic waver to her voice that made her sound like she was five seconds away from crying at all times.

She was just trying to act tough so she didn’t have to feel.

Something Nathan recognized all too well.

“ _Chloe_. Calm. Down. Rachel’s my friend. I wouldn’t want to hurt her anymore than you do. Everything is going to be ok.”

Chloe tightened her fists even more, somehow, and breathed in deep and heavy and rapidly and closed her eyes and ---

She brought her hands up to her face and shielded her eyes from seeing.

“This can’t be happening.”

Nathan bit his lip.

“Chloe …”

Chloe sniffled and turned around and tried to leave but she fucking ran into Nathan’s door because she fucking forgot she closed it so she opened it and _then_ left and –

She ignored Nathan calling her name as she walked away.

Her world was too fucking blurry right now for her to have a conversation.

 

When he heard the door leading out of the hallway slam shut, Nathan sighed wearily and moved over to close the door to his dorm.

Then he collapsed on his bed and started to cry.

He couldn’t think about Rachel.

He just fucking couldn’t.

Mr. Jefferson was going to actually fucking kill him if anyone found her body.

The image of her slowly fading away was never going to leave his mind – it was imprinted into it like a foul curse.

He had to be strong.

He had to do this.

He had to not fuck something up for once.

He just needed to be more like Mr. Jefferson.

Calm, and controlled, and had an answer for everything.

He could do this.

He could do this.

He could do this.

He couldn’t fucking do this.

 

Chloe didn’t know what to do.

So she went to Rachel’s room again.

Thankfully the trio had left since they had class.

Chloe unlocked Rachel’s room, closed her door behind her, and collapsed on Rachel’s bed.

Surrounded by Rachel’s things.

In Rachel’s clothes.

 

All of the anger left her.

She just cried.

 

Eventually, she picked herself up off of the bed, and stared at Rachel’s slightly-ransacked room.

It felt wrong to have it so disturbed.

Chloe’s body felt exhausted, but she still forced herself up and started to fix the disarray she had caused.

If Rachel was actually gone, what would she do?

Chloe was nothing without Rachel.

Rachel wasn’t too much without Chloe, either.

Ever since Rachel found out about her dad’s extremeness in keeping Sera out of her life, Rachel never trusted her parents again.

The only one she could trust fully and wholly was Chloe.

Maybe she left without Chloe?

No.

That didn’t seem right.

Rachel wouldn’t.

Forever together.

And if she did, she’d at least answer her fucking phone or something.

She wouldn’t leave Chloe all alone like this without a peep or a message.

Something had to be wrong.

Rachel wasn’t gone, she was _missing_.

Someone stole her away from Chloe.

Someone might have _hurt_ her.

Chloe didn’t have any purpose without Rachel in her life, but she could have purpose in finding her and fucking up whoever hurt her precious angel.

Chloe had failed to protect her too many times already.

This was her last shot.

Her last chance.

She had to do it.

 

The first week was the hardest.

Chloe didn’t really talk to anyone.

She had Rachel reported missing as soon as she was legally able to without the police just rolling their eyes and telling her she’d be back soon and she shouldn’t worry.

Chloe spent a lot of time on campus, hoping Rachel would just … appear, in one of her classes or something, and spent a lot of time at the junkyard, slowly falling apart.

Nothing was the same without Rachel, and Chloe didn’t know how to handle it.

Her entire world was viewed through Rachel as a prism.

Forever together.

They had plans not _just_ to go to LA –

They had plans for at least the next five years.

Chloe was going to get her GED after they moved and probably start work as a mechanic.

Or at least start training to be one.

Rachel was going to be a model and she was going to be a perfect one.

They didn’t know if they could afford it, but they were going to fucking try.

Together.

Rachel _couldn’t_ have left without her to do this.

She just couldn’t.

She had to have been abducted, or something.

So when Chloe got her truck back from the shop, she didn’t immediately leave for LA.

Rachel was the one who had all of the money, anyway.

She needed to be here.

She needed to stay.

She needed to find Rachel.

She had to be _somewhere,_ right?

She needed to find Rachel.

She needed to find Rachel.

She needed to find Rachel.

 

The second week was … a little bit easier.

With the truck fix she drove into town and got a bunch of posters printed up claiming Rachel was missing.

There was a reward way beyond what she could pay but fuck it –

All throughout the week, she could just mindlessly drive around town and put up posters.

It gave her something to do, something that made her feel like she was making a difference and finding Rachel.

It allowed her to not think.

 

The worst times are when she had nothing to do.

And she could only think.

It was maybe three weeks later when Chloe was sitting on her bed, with her knees pulled up into her chest again and her arms tightly wrapped around.

This is when the doubt came.

Chloe had never done anything right.

How could she possibly find Rachel?

She was just some penny-less – actually now in the red thanks to loans so even _less_ than penny-less – punk who was too stupid to even finish high school.

Maybe Rachel left without her.

Maybe Nathan, or Frank, or … someone else, helped her out, and got her to LA, without Chloe.

Maybe Rachel finally realized how much of a needy, clingy idiot Chloe was.

Forever together.

When she was all alone in her thoughts, she often thought of past times with Rachel.

She’d flick through photos and stare at them for too long, wondering, thinking, reliving.

That’s the only time Chloe found any peace, anymore.

Escaping the reality by relieving the past.

But fuck.

Memories of Rachel were so fresh, and Chloe just had so fucking many of them.

She could spend every waking minute reliving her life with Rachel.

And hoping.

And fuck, maybe even praying.

 

Weeks turned into months.

Things did not get better.

Chloe didn’t have much of a social life, but what little she had was completely gone after Rachel went missing.

Chloe would sometimes play basketball with some idiots or hang out with the skater stoner idiots at Blackwell –

But that just reminded her of Rachel, now, and she couldn’t do it anymore.

It hurt too much.

Chloe stopped caring about pretty much anything other than finding Rachel.

She got into fights, she got a few scars, she broke her nose once –

She pushed people for information, for _anything_ she could get about Rachel.

This frayed what relationships she had left.

Nathan wouldn’t talk to her anymore, which was frustrating, since Chloe still thought he knew something _more_ and he just wasn’t telling her anything.

His story never changed, but Chloe never trusted him.

They started to get into fights.

Nathan started to deteriorate, himself, Chloe noticed.

He got even twitchier, and jumpier, and more reserved.

He lost like 20 pounds, somehow.

Chloe didn’t know that he was drowning in guilt and under so much pressure from his dad and Mr. Jefferson that he was going to fucking snap, one day.

Perhaps obvious in hindsight, but Chloe just didn’t see it.

She just saw Rachel’s friend.

Chloe could still remember Nathan smiling and laughing around Rachel.

 _Everyone_ smiled and laughed around Rachel.

 

Nathan wasn’t the only one she got into fights with more often.

She was home, more, since she couldn’t spend time in Rachel’s room anymore since they had closed it off as a crime scene.

Chloe wished she would have taken more of her stuff, instead of just some posters, so she would have more things to remember her by.

But it felt wrong to damage the state of her room too much.

Rachel was going to come back, of course, and chew her out so badly for messing with her stuff like that when she was gone.

Whatever she was doing.

But now that she was home more often, she ran into stepidiot more often.

And because she simply cared less, she disobeyed his rules more openly and flagrantly.

She smoked weed in her room all day.

She left beer bottles out for him to see.

She was difficult at dinner, and didn’t let him get a word in edgewise.

 

The Ambers wouldn’t talk to her.

That was fine.

She knew she burned that bridge a long time ago.

 

Chloe could see everything in her life was falling apart.

But it didn’t matter.

It could be completely broken.

So long as she could find Rachel.

And fuck this place.

David hating her didn’t matter.

Nathan hating her didn’t matter.

Everyone at Blackwell judging her didn’t matter.

Her being expelled didn’t matter.

Chloe didn’t matter.

The only thing that mattered was Rachel.

 

Months ticked by.

Chloe was in a holding pattern of searching around town and occasionally putting up more posters.

She’d always increase the reward for information every single time she printed more.

Maybe, just maybe, someone would be tempted by the money.

It was harder to keep everything going without Rachel, though.

Chloe didn’t have much of a cashflow, and had to keep borrowing, borrowing, borrowing.

Stealing.

 

She got high and she got drunk pretty frequently, now.

It was just easier to live life, that way.

After enough beers, nothing hurt anymore.

She didn’t think about Rachel, or how fucked her life was, or how unfair everything was, or how much of a poor fuckup she was.

She just existed.

Nothing mattered.

She remembered less of her days, but that was okay.

She didn’t want to remember this, anyway.

 

Life decided to pile more things on.

Chloe never gave up hope on Rachel, since it was the only thing keeping her going.

But the memories started to fade, here and there.

She couldn’t remember what Rachel smelled like anymore.

The stupid outfit Rachelt left just smelled like weed, now.

She only heard her laugh through videos, and only saw her smile through images.

She never felt her warmth.

And Chloe was so cold.

 

David hit her, sometimes, when she was being especially incorrigible.

Her mother told her that David couldn’t help himself and that she really should try and calm down more often.

Chloe never thought she would dislike her mother, but the betrayal burned the last relationship she cared about.

 

Things with Nathan were reaching a boiling point.

He had almost fucking raped her, at some point, which only solidified it in her mind that Nathan had _something_ to do with Rachel’s disappearance.

Chloe found some blackmail on his precious club and his drug habit.

Daddy wouldn’t like that.

Neither would the school, for that matter.

He fucking listened when she talked, now.

 

_girl's bathroom five minutes don’t make me fucking wait_

A response came back immediately

_your crazy. im here_

Chloe scoffed.

_you're. you better have the money_

Nathan had money and didn’t fucking deserve it.

Chloe needed more to pay off some of her debts, buy more drugs and alcohol, and generally just make life easier.

 

She stormed her way into the girl’s bathroom in Blackwell.

Nathan was staring at one of the mirrors.

Chloe started banging on the stalls and checking them to make sure they were empty.

Nathan was breathing heavily.

Chloe considered being diplomatic, but …

Fuck Nathan.

“Let’s talk business. Where’s my money?”

Chloe turned on her heel and walked up behind Nathan.

“I don’t have it.”

Chloe scoffed.

“Like fuck you don’t. You wipe your ass with 100 dollar bills.”

Nathan closed his eyes and breathed severely.

Chloe noticed he was gripping the sink a bit too tightly.

“I don’t … have it.”

And his voice came out with difficulty.

A part of her was telling her, screaming at her, to calm down.

Nathan had already tried to rape her.

Who knows what else he could do.

But she didn’t care, anymore.

Nothing mattered, anyway.

Chloe shoved his shoulder, and he didn’t budge.

“All fucking lies with you. First you lied about Rachel and now you ---”

Something in Nathan snapped, and Chloe could feel the temperate of the room drop.

Suddenly, he shoved himself off from the sink, pulled out a fucking gun _shit_ \---

Chloe’s eyes went wide, and she backed up with her hands raised up by her chest –

“Don’t fucking talk about Rachel. I’ve fucking had it with you and you just pushing, and pushing, and pushing, and pushing ---”

Chloe started to breathe quickly and still back up,

“--- Dude _what the fuck_ chill this is ---”

But Nathan didn’t give her long before he shoved himself against her and put the gun against her belly.

“--- _Shut up_ and listen to me for once! Ughn!”

Chloe went silent.

“I could do it, you know, pull the trigger --- no one would even miss your punk ass! Rachel’s gone! Get the fuck over it already!”

 

Chloe wasn’t silent.

 _No one_ said that about Rachel.

 

“You --- little ---”

Chloe moved her hands to the gun and tried to wrestle it away.

Nathan’s eyes went wide.

 

He pulled the trigger.

 

All at once, things came into focus and went quiet.

Nathan dropped the gun and backed up, slowly, in shock.

Chloe fell to the floor.

She was so cold.

But maybe this is what she deserved.

At least she died being true to Rachel.

She did what she could.

Everything that she could.

Hopefully Rachel could forgive her.

For failing.

 

Chloe closed her eyes.

She thought about Rachel.

What memories she still could.

She heard Nathan freaking out and crying but it was a diffuse sort of thing.

She blocked it out.

The here and now didn’t matter.

There was only one thing that mattered.

 

 

 

But something refused.

 

 

 

Rachel’s thoughts

came with difficulty

now

 

she was content

dreamless

 

but there was a

pang

 

she felt

 

suddenly

 

this body was

weird

 

but she wanted the pain

to go away

 

she closed her eyes and wished for it

and her

thoughts

slowed

even more

 

 

 

 

When Chloe opened her eyes again, she was looking at her phone.

_girl's bathroom five minutes don’t make me fucking wait_

A response came back immediately

_your crazy. im here_

Chloe scoffed.

_you're. you better have the money_

Nathan had money and didn’t fucking deserve it.

Chloe needed more to pay off some of her debts, buy more drugs and alcohol, and generally just make life easier.

 

She stormed her way into the girl’s bathroom in Blackwell.

Nathan was staring at one of the mirrors.

Chloe started banging on the stalls and checking them to make sure they were empty.

Nathan was breathing heavily.

Chloe considered being diplomatic, but …

Fuck Nathan.

“Let’s talk business. Where’s my money?”

Chloe turned on her heel and walked up behind Nathan.

“I don’t have it.”

Chloe scoffed.

“Like fuck you don’t. You wipe your ass with 100 dollar bills.”

Nathan closed his eyes and breathed severely.

Chloe noticed he was gripping the sink a bit too tightly.

“I don’t … have it.”

And his voice came out with difficulty.

A part of her was telling her, screaming at her, to calm down.

Nathan had already tried to rape her.

Who knows what else he could do.

But she didn’t care, anymore.

Nothing mattered, anyway.

Chloe shoved his shoulder, and he didn’t budge.

“All fucking lies with you. First you lied about Rachel and now you ---”

Something in Nathan snapped, and Chloe could feel the temperate of the room drop.

Suddenly, he shoved himself off from the sink, pulled out a fucking gun _shit_ \---

Chloe’s eyes went wide, and she backed up with her hands raised up by her chest –

“Don’t fucking talk about Rachel. I’ve fucking had it with you and you just pushing, and pushing, and pushing, and pushing ---”

Chloe started to breathe quickly and still back up,

“--- Dude _what the fuck_ chill this is ---”

But Nathan didn’t give her long before he shoved himself against her and put the gun against her belly.

“--- _Shut up_ and listen to me for once! Ughn!”

Chloe went silent.

“I could do it, you know, pull the trigger --- no one would even miss your punk ass! Rachel’s ---”

The fire alarm went off.

Nathan looked off to the source of the sound.

Chloe’s adrenaline allowed her to react immediately.

She wasn’t pathetic, anymore.

She didn’t hesitate, anymore.

She kicked Nathan right in the dick and shoved him off, and ran way as fast as her feet could carry her.

 

Holy fucking shit.

 

Chloe felt a warmth she hadn’t in a while and she didn’t know what to make of it.

She was shaking, and her whole body was fizzy and it felt like she was going to explode.

But she was alive.

And that was suddenly the first time she cared about living.

And it gave her a lot to think about as she ran out to her truck, put her hands on the steering wheel, and just slammed her head on the steering wheel.

Now she didn’t even have money.

She had nothing.                                   

No Rachel, no friends, no parents, no money, no home.

Only her life.

That was … something, right?

She raised her head up and banged it a few times against the steering wheel, and that warmth in her body was still there, and the pain she felt from this action wasn’t diffuse, she could feel every inch of her nerves upset at her for being self-destructive.

That was some freaky timing with the fire alarm.

She couldn’t just … count on that happening.

Or something.

Fuck.

Chloe turned the ignition to her truck, tried to shove the thoughts out of her mind, and started to drive.

Someone fucking got in front of her truck holy shit –

Chloe slammed on the breaks ---

 _What_ \---

“Max?!”

Chloe looked past --- Max! --- to see Nathan and … Warren? and holy shit –

Chloe didn’t hesitate, anymore.

She leaned over, opened the passenger side door, and gestured for Max to get in.

Fuck Nathan.

“Get in, Max!”

 

Max got in and Chloe drove off, feeling even … weirder.

They talked, and it was tense, and Max was a dork.

She fucking said 'are you ceral' once.

It was awkward sometimes.

But it was the first time Chloe smiled in a long time.

She could stop thinking about everything when Max was around.

Just like when they were kids.

 

Rachel

difficult

 

but

pang

happy

 

she smiled

 

forever

together

**Author's Note:**

> fuck


End file.
